7 Ways To Be Mentally Present During Sex

The most beautiful place to be is here with me and my words right now. Really try to read through this entire blog post without your mind drifting off to useless internal jibber-jabber. This will be the start to your mindfulness journey. 

In this fast, chaotic, unpredictable world we exist in it’s easy to allow your mind to drift down into doubt, fear, and worry. Ultimately creating a lot of stress in the body.

If you didn't know before, life isn’t supposed to be a complicated, tough journey. Your mind just tries to make it complicated (the mind is successful at this in most beings), but life is really as smooth and natural as breathing once you allow yourself to fully trust and know you are divinely protected and you begin to own your magnificence.

The mind can be so full of questions, concerns, suggestions, and critiques towards ourselves, others and our environment. The one place we all wish our minds did not interfere is while engaging in sexual play with our lover. Over-thinking is the #1 blocker of orgasms. I haven’t checked this statement out with any scientists or researchers;  just a truth from my experience and others. I found myself thinking of everything from what I was going to eat later to awkward thoughts, insecurities, replaying conversations, it was a bunch of very unsexy thoughts. I have tried everything under the roof to help quiet the mind during sex and I’ve finally found the recipe. 

First we must get a better understanding of the 3 main contributions to being mentally present during sex.

1. Mindfulness Practices

Mindfulness practices are actually quite fun. It’s simply just seeing yourself do something. Being attentive instead of reacting or analyzing things with your mind. So for an example, let’s take a task that I know and hope we are all doing at least once a day; brushing your teeth. Being mindful during that time, you would want to observe how the toothpaste glides on the brush bristles, how it smells as it passes your nose to your mouth, feel the bristles brushing against each tooth, your gums, your tongue, observe the sensations from it. Listen to the water running, envision the way the water swooshes around your mouth and all the bacteria swirling around in the pool of water. Watch as you spit out the water, how it feels exiting your mouth, watch it splash in the sink and glide down the drain. That is brushing mindfully. You can apply this practice to absolutely everything you do, driving, eating, listening, walking, etc. 

2. Meditation

Meditating can be difficult, because there is a collective fear amongst most humans of sitting alone with their thoughts. Subconsciously we are afraid of what might rise to the surface from the darkness of our own mind?

You may think that you can’t actually control the thoughts, or you may get frustrated because the thoughts keep reappearing, worried you can’t focus, or may not have the environment to do it successfully. So many reasons we assume meditating is too difficult. Well, I’m here to tell you that wherever you decide to start is perfect, because it’s the starting that makes it perfect. Perfection to me means the continuous learning and growing of self from within. The only way to hear and see within is through silence of the mind. When your mind wanders simply observe it, and let it fade back out. Don’t get frustrated or annoyed. The thought came up for a reason, so pocket it for later analyzing. If it’s important it will come back to you. If not, let it go. 

What you will want to do is find a quiet place, a safe environment, and a comfortable position. Close your eyes, or stare at the wall or ceiling. Breathe and focus on the sensations of your body. Start with the crown of your head down to the soles of your feet. Don’t forget to stop at your inner thighs, your lower back, your elbow, visit every part of your body. Observe any pain, tension, tingling, numbness, constrictions, and relaxedness; just observe. 

You can also just sit and do absolutely nothing, Just sit in pure silence. It’s almost like taking an awake nap. These are some great ways to start the meditation journey. Once you start you will end up finding more and more meditations to do that are best in alignment with you, you’ll notice how good it makes you feel and how much you are able to create.

You can even use music, guided meditations or visuals. You can find them on Spotify, Apple Music, YouTube, and pretty much any streaming service. I’ll list a few of my favorites at the end of this post. Be sure to check them out!

3. Breathing

I know this is going to sound strange but fear actually activates a very subtle restriction of the muscles around the anus, which in turn affects our entire breathing pattern. As our breathing becomes more shallow, the fear shows up through our need to maintain control over our lives. Being uptight, worried, over analyzers, frantic, nit-picky, are some examples of what keeps your anus restricted and your breathing constricted. You may notice that your breathing now may be tense and constricted, instead of deep and relaxing. Our breathing pattern is given to us based on the breathing patterns our mother had while in the womb. It switches every 7 years based on the main adults that are in your energetic field (aura). So by age 14 you already pretty much have a stressed out breathing pattern. When we are born out of an emotionally stable adult, who has gotten their breath back in sync with the grace of life, we birth a child that will have a perfect harmonious breathing pattern.

A good way to set your breath back to serenity, is to lay flat on your back and through your nose breath deep into your belly. Feel your diaphragm raise up high and then exhale through your nose. Continue to do this slowly will full breaths until your breathing relaxes you. Breathing into your chest is very inefficient, so when you notice yourself doing that, shift it back to your gut. 

One main blocker of breathing beautifully is the collective feeling of Impatience. Impatience is not a natural attribute of the human character; scientifically it is a loss of your natural rhythm at a biological level. If you are feeling impatient, your breathing has become shallow and your nervous system is over stimulated. You feel as though things aren’t how you would like them to be. So you stress about the future, or obsess over the past, or continuously obsess over what you want out of life. When you've reach a higher frequency mentally you know there is nothing to worry about because all things are happening perfectly for you, at all times. What’s really going on is that you have forgotten to trust. Trust in yourself, trust in God and trust in the Universe, I’m here to remind you again that you are whole, perfect, strong, loving, divine, protected, and magical. And nothing is out of your reach, you just have to trust and be patient.